Thursday, September 23, 2010

Lots of Words (1,423 to be exact)

No major issues to debate today folks, just some writing! I feel like so much has gone on lately that maybe if I type some of it out the thoughts will leave me and I will be able to sleep at night and not think about all the things I want to share!

So, a few posts back I complained about my second darling baby. Well lemme tell ya, putting it out to the universe helped. The kid has been SO much better since that day. I do believe that was the single hardest day I have had as a mom so far. I was at the end of my rope, the knot tying and all that jazz. It was incredibly hard for me to deal with the constant crying from GB. Part of me felt awful because I thought something was wrong with him and part of me felt awful for not enjoying my baby. It was so bad that my bff sensed it and called. I believe God asked her directly to contact me because I wouldn't have made it through that day without her. She called and was cool, calm and collected - EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. She let me cry and vent and say horrible things, all the while nodding her head (I guess, I couldn't actually see her), saying reassuring things and telling me I wasn't a horrible mother. Gah, I could cry just thinking about that day and her rescuing me. By the end of the call she stopped my tears and even had me laughing. Not that I didn't know it before, but that day I KNEW, without a doubt, she will be the best mom on Earth. Her baby girl is lucky and BLESSED to have her as a mom. I also got a message from a friend also reassuring me that I wasn't a monster and that everyone has rough days. These two ladies saved me from myself. Thank the Lord!!! So, Lisa and Michelle, thank you thank you thank you, one million times over. I am not even sure you know how much you helped me.

Back in August we got word that Dora was celebrating her 10th birthday. Boy oh boy were we excited since CJ LOVES her some "Door-ah". Walmart was hosting this shindig, but only at certain locations. There were none close to us, so we drove to Waynesboro. Luckily it wasn't too terribly far and we thought, "what the heck, it gets us out of the house and the kids will have some fun." The hilarity that ensued cannot be measured in this post. We showed up to a lady standing at a small display table handing out cupcakes with Dora rings on top. And that was it. On the website it said something about a picture with Dora - yeah, what it really was, was a coupon for you to bring in your OWN PHOTO and they give you a piece of paper in the shape of a frame with a picture of Dora on it. All Marc and I could do was giggle. It was so beyond our comprehension that we were paralyzed for a second. We gave Carter her cupcake and started walking the aisles. I think we aimlessly walked while we kept laughing about the whole situation. We ended up getting her a Dora book and guitar because we felt so darn bad about it. As if she even noticed anything. So freaking funny. Again, this post does not cover the funniness of the day. I'm "LOL'ing" right now.

The weekend of September 10th my two besties came to meet the little one. How much I needed them to be there for me was not known until days later. But I'll start with the fun stuff. That Saturday we went to a beer festival which was tons of fun. Luckily Lisa is with child so we had an automatic DD. For two years that was me, so it was nice to have someone else do it! HA! It was just so nice to chat about lots of different things, laugh, and be outside without little kids crying or clinging to your legs. Not that I don't love my kids and adore everything about them (ha) but it's nice to have grown up girl time. Especially with two women that totally let you be yourself and know you well, and vice versa. It's really great too when your friends and your spouse get along. Makes hanging out very easy and effortless.

The next day ended up being a not so great day. The day started off interesting when my dog started breathing a little weird. We tried feeding him food and he wanted none of it. So I rubbed him, told him I loved him, and to do whatever he needed to do. About 10-20 minutes later we checked on him and he was standing up and drinking water, so I thought maybe he would be ok. Lisa, Alicia and I got in the car to head to Babies R Us to register. First of all, Lisa had a tick crawling on her and I couldn't back my car out of the driveway....signs we should have paid attention to. About half way to town I got the call from my husband that I needed to turn around, Tyler had died. Now this dog was my buddy for years before I even thought of a Marc, a Carter or a Gabe. I lived in a house by myself for three years before Marc moved in. Ty watched tv with me, laid around and napped with me, and was the best dog EVER. My little honey bunny boo boo bear. So to not have him around was a very foreign concept to me. My darling Lisa immediately started crying, and immediately after that apologized for it. I actually appreciated the tears because I couldn't find them in myself to really let it out. And I appreciated Alicia and her matter of fact approach because it made me feel less guilty about my same approach. All I could think was, I have my husband, my kids, and a good life, it's sad, but not the end of my world. But then I walked in the house. Carter, who LOVES dogs, just kept saying "doddie, doddie" and wanted to go downstairs to see them. We had two - Ty was a black lab mix and TJ is a German Shepherd. So I took her down and she immediately started petting Tyler and saying "hi baby, hi doddie, hi baby" and didn't want to leave his side. This is when the tears came. Tyler was always so amazing with her, he let her poke his eyes, pull his ears, pretty much beat him up. He never growled or even seemed bothered much by her. He loved her. And she loved him.

While we buried my beloved dog, Alicia and Lisa watched the kids for us. The fact that I had them by my side and helping me during one of the more difficult situations of my life affirmed why they are my dearest friends. God may not have given me blood sisters, but he gave me sisters. They read to Carter, made Gabe smile, and watched over them and cared for them while we were outside. (Nothing is more rewarding than being able to trust people with your kids.) They also gave my family the emotional support we needed that day. Talking about Ty when needed, ignoring it when needed, and making us laugh. I heart you ladies, big time. Thanks for that weekend, it was one my most favorite (even if my dog died) (and no, it was not your fault) (still love you!). The last night they were there we were all downstairs watching tv and just hanging out. We had so many laughs that night. It made me miss them terribly and wish we didn't all live so far apart. But who knows, maybe we remain so tight because we aren't together all the time! HA!

And so now I am back to work. Today is my last day for the week and I am thrilled about Pajama Friday!!!! I'll have to write a separate post about returning to work after my second maternity leave. Not as awful as I thought it might be (or as awful as it was the first time), but it did confirm my desire to stay at home. I miss the little poopers!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Epidurals and Bottles Are the New Black

There are very few subjects that truly get me riled up and angry. You know, the kind of angry where you shake a little and you can actually feel your heart beating through your chest. I love, love, love to debate, even if I agree with you I'll fight you on something if I feel like it. So, I can stay calm in most conversations. However, one thing that gets me going is anything involving moms and what they do for their kids. I am all for women helping women, encouraging them, supporting them, giving them the look of "yep, I know how you feel". What I am not for is women that want to criticize other moms, because honestly, we are all trying to get through the day without guilt weighing us down so heavily that we turn in to a crying mess.

Let me explain....I have been on the wrong side of a breastfeeding woman and the wrong side of natural birth woman. Both, to me, are VERY personal decisions that you have to make on your own. You have to do what works for YOU and helps YOU sleep at night. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I tell a woman what kind of delivery she should have or what kind of nutrition she should give her kid. As long as the kid comes out, I'm ok with that. As long as your child is eating and growing properly, I'm ok with that.

I do not know one single woman that's had a c-section that felt good about it. They felt terrible. They didn't want it and tried to get out of it, but for whatever reason they had to have one. Mine came after two days of labor and 5 hours of pushing (the last hour I pushed every single minute trying desperately to get the kid out of me). I wanted to keep going, I wanted to try, but it just wasn't going to work. I have since learned it's just that my daughter is stubborn. HA! I cried so hard about it, before, during, and after. For a good long month I beat myself up for it. I didn't feel like a woman, didn't think I could be a mom if I didn't deliver my child vaginally, and I felt like I had already let her down. Is any of this true? Absolutely not. So to read things about how awful women are for having c-sections not only breaks my heart but makes me want to punch something. They already feel bad about it and the LAST thing they need is another woman putting them down for it.

Breastfeeding...ey yi yi! Not sure where to start with this one. I am all for you popping out your boob and feeding your kid. I really could care less if you do in front of me. I am just glad you are feeding your child. But for me, it wasn't a thing I wanted to do. I just didn't. The first time milk came out of me I almost puked. Like I literally felt queasy. So for me it didn't work. But I have talked to other moms who desperately wanted to but they were not producing enough milk. These beautiful women, that were already stressed about being a new mom and not screwing up their kids, felt awful about this. So, again, when I read blasts against non-breastfeeding women I get very hot. How can you tell a woman what to do when it comes to feeding her child? Yell at me, that's fine because I CHOSE not to breastfeed, but you may want to be careful about hurting a woman's feelings who really did try.

And there are so many arguments for not having a c-section and for breastfeeding that I can counter argue (these are the three I hear the most):

1-you won't bond as well with your child
BULLSHIT, my kids LOVE me, like really deep down in their souls love me, both are very close to me, so the fact that I had a c-section and didn't breastfeed has not screwed them up too badly (I will leave it to my parenting for that. HA!)

2-you'll lose weight faster if you breastfeed
BULLSHIT, well, at least for me, I lost 30-40 pounds in the first 3 weeks with both kids and got down to my pre-pregnancy weight quickly.

3-you're kid's immunity will be better
BULLSHIT, CJ didn't get her first major anything until she turned a year old, she has no allergies and eats like a champ. I know quite a few babies that were breastfed that have many food allergies and other health issues. So maybe my kids are super awesome (I mean I know they are) or the arguments can be made both ways?

And I am not here to tell anyone that they MUST get an epidural, or bottle feed, or blah blah blah....I am here to say that you need to do what is right for you. Talk it over with your spouse or partner, your doctor and your pediatrician. Being a parent is hard enough and all the help you can get is immensely valuable, you don't need people beating you down.

Especially other women.

I may piss people off and probably have some eye rolls and that is fine. But all I can tell you is that I love my children dearly, so much it hurts sometimes, and I do everything I can to make them have a beautiful life. I hope that all the moms out there do the same, their own way!