Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Strength

I've often thought of myself as a very strong person. I'm not really sure why though because, for whatever reason, I've never had to face anything incredibly painful, scary or sad. Yes I've gone through some rough patches, had some sad stuff happen, but nothing that I felt like I couldn't get through. My family and friends have always been amazing and very supportive and I am sure that has helped. Since having children though, my strength has come in to question. Of course, all in my own mind.

Could I be as strong as I need to be if something happened?

Unfortunately I've had people in my life go through some really tough stuff. It ranges from miscarriages, to not being able to get pregnant, close family members/friends dying, divorces, horrible accidents, disabilities and illnesses with their children, etc. Well today a friend posted a blog about her childhood friend's baby dying after only being on Earth for 95 days. You can find it here http://ourlittleremy.com/. Reading this, and some other blogs and facebook posts, have really got me thinking about how I would react in similar situations.

I can honestly say I am not sure I could do it. When it comes to babies and kids I can't handle it. I can barely handle other's pain, how would I handle my own? If something happened to CJ or GB I really do think I would lose my mind. Marc would have to deal with everything because I would be worthless. I had some recent worries with my pregnancy, nothing dramatic, nothing terrifying, but nonetheless it freaked me out. A miscarriage, still birth, or any other complication would really throw me for a loop. And I feel bad for the fact that I would become weak. That I would become extremely selfish. I know me, I know my flaws, and selfishness is one of them. I would want people to take care of me, feel sorry for me, and worry about me. But I would have a whole life that would need to be taken care of, a husband, children, a household. Who would do all that?

Maybe I wouldn't? Maybe, like so many women I know, would find strength somewhere deep down inside of me. A strength that only certain people possess. I really can't answer it. But in my prayers I often ask God to give me strength to handle whatever he throws at me. To lead me down the path he has set forth for me and face every trial and tribulation with strength.

What I do know is that I hugged Carter a little tighter after I read about Remy. And I'll be sure to cuddle with Gabe if he gets up in the middle of the night and not just wish him back to sleep. These times are so short and so special and it's easy to get wrapped up in the hectic, tantrum, busy stuff and not focus and what really matters, Team P. (I will say the girl and boy did try my nerves a bit tonight and Marc had to take over, but that's what dads are for, right?!)

To anyone that has had to find their inner hard core selves, I salute you. You are braver, stronger, and much tougher than me.

One of my all time favorite DMB lyrics fits nicely here:
"I shall miss these things when it all rolls by"

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Randomly Hidden Treasures

I'm not so sure it's normal to start crying when you walk in to your closet to find a half chewed up toy and a crumpled plastic cup. SO NOT NORMAL! But all I can think is one day I won't find these little treasures randomly scattered throughout the house. How sad is that? Poppa found a Dora and her mami in his shoe one day. Momma is missing a remote that I am sure 2 year old fingers hid. Marc walks in from work to two babies grinning hard because he's home. It's a shame we can't bottle up the magic of toddlers and open it when you need a smile.

Gabe ate copious amounts of dirt this afternoon and Carter managed to get dirt all over the deck, but it was so fun watching them play that the mess really didn't matter. "The mess really didn't matter", never thought I would write that sentence EVER! I may have had to hold back from washing them/cleaning up every two seconds, but I didn't! I let them roll in the dirt.

Through all the hard moments, sleepless nights, guilt ridden days we have hidden toys. Little gems to remind us that children are wonderful. They are a joy. They are my heart. And counting down the days until I meet my newest little one is getting harder and harder.

When we're older Marc will have to hide toys in the shower and in my car so I can "remember when".

And I can't stop crying!! GAH! Kids, they make you nutso!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Friday Follies

So I'll be honest with you for a second, I'm pretty sure the word "follies" is not appropriate here, but it's a fun word so I'm going with it.

Glad we got that out of the way.

I have no major thing to write about, so I have lots of little things. Bear with me.

Dinosaurs
Ugh. Dinosaurs drive me crazy but The Kid loves them. Especially Dino Dan, which is an awkward and weird show. What drives me crazy is no one REALLY knows what dinosaurs were like, it's all sort of made up. That drives me nuts. We found some bones, big whoop. I dunno, maybe there is some footage of them or something and youtube hasn't posted it yet. Anyhoo, dinos make no sense to me whatsoever.

McDonald's and Their Stupid Lemonade
Why oh why are they pushing this lemonade so much? I swear every ad I see is of the strawberry lemonade at McD's. C'mon, it's lemon water with some strawberries in it and they are charging big bucks for it. Silly like Starbucks and their coffee prices. But ohmygodhhaveyoutriedthemochacocofrappe?! Amazing!

Moral Dilemma
I actually had a real one yesterday. The Kid, Deuce, TBD and I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things. The kids were amazing, did the self checkout, walked out to the car. Success! No major problems....until...I noticed, about half way to the car, we didn't pay for the apples. Now, if you have kids, you know that you have to be fast and efficient when out in public. The tides can turn quickly and take you out to Tantrum Sea. No one wants that. AND I park far away from stores, I never park close. With all that for a second I thought, "I'm almost there, the buzzers didn't go off, cops didn't get me, should I keep walking?" I didn't. I went back and paid. But I feel AWFUL for even thinking twice about it. UGH.

Cute CJ Things
She says "jammas" for pajamas, "make ups" for make up (always adds the "s"), "hold chu mommy" when she wants a hug, "I love you, too" (it's the "too" that gets me), "ni ni" for going to sleep, and "bash" for bath. I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF IT! She is so cute and every single time she says any of these I grin.

Miley and The Big Big Bang
That sounds WAY dirtier than I mean for it too, but I love her new song. It's the "Mobwives" themesong and I find myself singing it a lot. Do I buy it? Damn, I don't want to. I did buy Bruno Mars this AM and I didn't think I'd ever do that.

Polish Wife
While watching the premiere episode of NJ Housewives the one wife was talking about how a good Italian wife cooks, cleans, runs the household, and makes it so the husband just has to work. I turned to Marc and said, "You should have married an Italian wife instead of a Polish one! You should be glad I can make ice." HA! I crack up when I think about that convo. Poor Marc. And I should write an entire post just about that episode, it was intense! Like really intense. Wow, I'm still not sure I've recovered.

Doughnuts
I ate 4 or 5 doughnuts in a span of about 12 hours. I am positive there is no where in the world where it recommends you doing this. Except maybe "The Husband's Guide to Making His Pregnant Wife Happy"!!!

And well, that's all I have. If the world ends my last post will be about Dinosaurs and Doughnuts. HA! That's just silly. A "folly" if you will!

fol·ly/ˈfälē/Noun

1. Lack of good sense; foolishness: "an act of sheer folly".
2. A foolish act, idea, or practice: "the follies of youth".

Sunday, May 15, 2011

TBD

To Be Determined!!! Can't wait to meet you guy or gal.

I am so glad I'm actually pregnant because I have MAY JAH baby fever. It's probably the fact I got to meet my spankin new niece last week and so many of my friends have announced their pregnancies on facebook. Babies are just the best things ever, especially Team Patrouch babies.

I mean, they are CUTE! And FUN! Entertaining, smart, independent, rowdy, curious, little bits of Marc and me and it makes me happy.

Fact.

I heart this team and our manager, Marc P.

(And the fact I pretty much kept it off fb for 24 weeks is pretty dang awesome. To everyone that knew for MONTHS thanks for playing along. Job well done!)