Monday, June 27, 2011

Teardrops of joy run off my face...

**I think this is when he requested new parents but no one listened!**


My baby boy, my precious, darling, 9 pound 2 ounce baby boy is officially one. He completed his first mission around the sun successfully. We are very proud of the guy.

I can't really put in to words the feelings I have about this baby growing up thing. As a parent you know your kids will grow up and you want them to, but a part of you will always see them as chubby faced babies, wrapped up in a swaddle blanket. At least I do anyway.

Somehow I just knew that he would be a boy. My boy. My son. And although I have four brothers I can honestly tell you I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE HOW TO RAISE HIM! He is so different from my daughter. He has so much strength and aggression. He just...goes after stuff! He never sits still, never just colors, never just plays. He climbs, eats crayons, tumbles, falls, rolls over, all boy. BUT he is also very sensitive and sweet. He's my cuddler. My little love bug. To me, he is perfect.

I didn't always feel this way. In the hospital he was a DREAM!!!!!! We actually had to wake him to feed him! He didn't cry too much, didn't fuss, just slept. Even when we brought him home he was pretty awesome.

Until.

Until the day Marc left for DC for the weekend. Gabriel decided this is when he'd test out his lungs. And he tested them. He started screaming and I don't think he stopped for about four months. It was terrible. I felt terrible. He felt terrible. Marc and Carter looked at us like we lost our minds. There were days when I felt guilty about having a second child and not really wanting him. I now have days when I feel guilty about having those feelings. But it was what I was experiencing at the time. Everyone told me the second baby is great, so much easier than the first, I'll know what to do. I didn't. I didn't at all. I was 100% lost with this one. I couldn't help him. I couldn't make him feel better. I could not get him to stop crying. There were some dark days then, but shockingly I still wanted to be a SAHM. Go figure.

And then.

And then one day....

HE BECOME A DREAMBOAT! A big ol' lump o' love. He just turned it all around and decided it was better to smile than cry. And he's been that way ever since. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments, but for 99% of the day he smiles. And lemme tell ya, that smile will get him out of a lot of shit, mark my words. Who am I kidding, it already does. I will be that mom that is still taking care of him at 30 because he is so darn charming.

My mini mushface is super cute, super lovable, and super awesome. Even though he and I battled, we're in a good place now. I hope it stays that way for a long, long time.

Gabriel Benjamin, you fill me with joy. Even if you are a wimpus!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Holy Moly Me Oh My

So I love birthdays. Absolutely love them! There is something so great about a day dedicated to you for just being born. What could be bad about that?! Granted, I take it up a notch and make it a week long thing, nonetheless birthdays are wonderful.

They are also a great milestone to look back at your life, the last year, how you've grown, where you need to improve, and what you are grateful for. Looking back on my 31 trips around the sun I have to admit they have been good ones.

ESPECIALLY this last year. One year ago today I had yet to meet my wonderful son and was giddy with anticipation. I had a beautiful 15 month old daughter, an amazing husband, and life was just grand.

Then stuff got wild!

It was the summer I wanted to change everything about my life. Work, money, climbing the corporate ladder was no longer my priority, my family was. I wanted to soak up every second of Team Patrouch and not miss a thing. So we moved. Right after we moved my husband decided to have back surgery for the heck of it. Not really, it was very much needed, but humor is pretty much the only way I can deal with that period of our lives. It was intense. Shortly after that we found out a third baby would be blessing us in the summer. Shortly after that our first born turned 2. Right around that time our house, the one we were trying to sell, flooded and needed major repairs. Repairs fixed, house sold, time to look for a new one. In one day (and 18 houses later) we found THE ONE! If we would have written everything out we wanted in a house, this would have matched about 95% of the list. Time to get moving on buying a house!

Now it's my birthday, my son will be 1 in two days, and in about a month's time we have to pack up and move. Then a month from that a child will be born.

Needless to say we are busy folk!

I wouldn't change a thing.

Not.one.single.thing. I love everything about my life. Even the really hard moments, because through tough times you learn something about yourself, your strength, and your family. Now, when I say "family" I mean those who are biologically linked to you forever and those you have chosen to adopt.

We are very LUCKY to have a supportive, giving, caring, loving family system. I can truthfully say I do not know where we would be without them. This past year was a doozy and they held our hands through all of it. I had people helping me become a mom of two (one of which was VERY cranky and wimpus like), helping me deal with a husband going through and recovering from major back surgery, deciding to quit a job and move out of a place I lived in for a very long time, adjusting to being a SAHM, aging, growing, being pregnant a third time, and learning my way around a new town. I could list everyone out, but it would be a long list and I'm pretty sure they know who they are. They are, in a short phrase, our angels. I thank God for these folks nightly and just hope that I am as good to them as they are to my family and me.

To everyone that let me cry to them on the phone or in person, whine over email or text, I thank you. To everyone that helped me laugh, joke around, enjoy the little moments that make life grand, I thank you. To my Carter Jean whose dramatic performances completely enhance my life, I thank you. To my Gabriel Benjamin who hazed me for months and has since made up for it with cuddles, kisses and smiles, I thank you. To my Marc Joseph who has always loved me, always made me feel special, and is my rock, I thank you. To my new baby, I cannot wait to meet you and love you and bring you home to our new house.

To my entire "family" you are some special people, people that make my world brighter, you help me through the dark times, make the good times roll, and let me know that the world is full of kind people. I thank you.

Happy freaking birthday to me!!! Thirty one is grand and I look forward to a bunch more...especially all the presents I get! ;-) And I am totally ready to rock out my "sparkly shoes" for my birthday dinner with Marcy Mushface!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

World's Greatest Dad!

So, it's poppa's day!

This day makes me happy because we get to celebrate the mister mister of the house, Marc P. He is somewhat of a stinker though because he never drops hints as to what he wants. In the end, he gets some homemade cards and artwork, homemade breakfast and a hug/kiss. He swears he loves it, but I am sure he would love a riding lawnmower or Jeep TJ or something big and manly. Sorry pal, we don't roll that way in Team Patrouch land. :-)

Marc really is the most amazing dad I've ever been able to witness. He changes diapers, gets kids up from sleeping, fixes them chocolate milk, makes bottles, does laundry and dishes, kisses boo boos, rocks babies to sleep, and lets his daughter paint his face with "makeups". He's one of a kind.

When Carter was very small Marc got off work earlier than me so she wouldn't be in daycare so long. Well this pick up usually involved a SCREAMING CJ for about an hour. Marc, being the awesome dad he is, would walk MILES with her until she stopped, or he would dance with her in the living room until she calmed down. He never complained, never said a word, just did his duty. Thinking back to those moments make me cringe. I am sure it wasn't fun for him, but he did it. He didn't even do it because he was a dad and was supposed to, he did it because he wanted to. Amazing.

When Gabey baby was at his worst Marc would get up with him at 3 am and stay awake with him, calm him down, feed him, do whatever necessary and then go to work. I am sure there were days when he didn't know how he was going to stay awake, but somehow managed. I also can guarantee in those days he probably didn't want to come home for fear of what he was walking in to, but he always did. Thank you, honey!

Even when he had back surgery and couldn't move too much, he let the kids hop up in bed with him so he could color with them, watch Madagascar 2 with them (5 million times!), cuddle, play, just spend time with them. He couldn't do as much as he wanted, but what he could do he did 100%. He has always been present and engaged. And for that, I am thankful.

Growing up I never wanted kids, just wasn't my thing, but meeting Marc changed all that (obviously!). I just KNEW he would be the best dad ever and make some damn cute kids. Granted I didn't think the first one would look EXACTLY like him! I thought maybe, just maybe, the baby would look a little like both of us. Oops! But the minute CJ came out Marc was a dad. She fit just perfectly in his arms and his smile was radiating. He was a little shy at first, but he got it and he has never looked back. He holds the kids like footballs, swings them by their arms, throws them around on the bed and gets them all hopped up right before bed. Just what a dad should do. He's the voice of reason, the voice of discipline and the rock that we all need. Not a day goes by when I have to worry about life because I know he's around and will make everything ok. He makes the world right.

When I had the crazy notion of staying at home with my babies Marc made it happen. He took on the responsibility of primary money maker, bearer of the weight of the world, and mom-calmer-downer. He's never complained about the craziness that is me, never complained at having so many darn kids, and is always happy and willing to help out. He has a heart of gold and I'm lucky to have him raising my kids and being a role model for them. He's my very best friend, the best dad I know, and we all love him dearly!

Marc Joseph, Happy Father's Day! You're our #1!