Monday, July 25, 2011

This Adult Thing I'm Doing...

Growing up is such a wonderful thing...meeting your soul mate, establishing true friendships, figuring out that maybe, just maybe, your parents were right about some stuff, starting your own family, learning that you can wear whatever you want and you don't have to fit in with anyone else, and that if you want to eat ice cream at 2 am no one can stop you. All joyous things.

Then, there are the heart wrenching, tear inducing, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad things that come with age and being an adult. The email or phone call you get from your best friend that he or she is getting a divorce, hearing from a close pal that she's lost her baby or can't get pregnant, learning that loved ones have lost jobs, have to move, or God forbid, someone in your or their family is sick and it's not looking good.

There's no easy way to deliver such news and there is no good way to respond. You want to say the right things, you want to be supportive, you want to be a friend. But sometimes you have nothing. All you have is a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, and reassurance that no matter what, you are there for them, truly there for them. I've learned in my short time on Earth that sometimes the person on the other end just wants someone to hear them say, "This f'ing sucks" and not judge them for their bluntness. Not hold it against them if they break down, can't handle, want to give up. They want you to wallow in the pity with them and know when to reach out your hand, pull them out, pat them on their back and tell them life goes on. It's a delicate thing though. You don't want to rush it, don't want to delay it, you want to time it perfectly. I'm still learning this part. Sometimes I'm funny when I need to be serious. Sometimes I'm serious and they want to laugh. Other times I am silent and have nothing. But hopefully in any difficult time I have in some way helped.

I appreciate all of the people in my life that have lifted me out of despair. Whether real or imaginary, big or small, pain is pain. It sucks, it's no fun, and you never want to face it. But life happens and pain hits you square in the jaw sometimes. It'd be great if you could punch it back, but that's not always an option.

To those of you whom I love and adore and are facing some challenging situations, I love you. You are stronger than you think, you can do this, it will get better, and life will return. In the meantime, deal with it how ever you need to. Eat ice cream at 2 am, watch a sad movie, walk around the mall aimlessly thinking about what's going on. My personal favorite is crying in bed or on the couch for hours until there is a lump in my throat, my eyes are red, cheeks are puffy, and I'm pretty much dehydrated. Call me, text me, email me, bug the crap out of me. I may have to yell at a kid or two while we are talking, but heck, that may be the break you need!

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! Lala how the life goes on...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Monsters in Law

A few pics of Momma and Poppa with CJ and GB during our time here!

Ok, so I TOTALLY don't have monsters in law, but I thought it may get a few folks to read this blog! The truth is, I have quite the opposite. Even though I don't know what the opposite of a monster is!

In a week's time we will be moving in to our new house. We will be leaving the Patrouch Compound at Falling Creek to venture in to a new territory at Deerfield Manor. We have been living with Marc's parents since the middle of October and in 8 days we will be leaving. This makes me sad.

Don't get me wrong, I am very excited about moving and having our own house and decorating it and making it nice and pretty. But it is all bittersweet. When we moved here Gabe was but 4 months old and growing out of the newborn stage and in to the baby stage, Carter was just really starting to become a toddler, Marc was about to have back surgery and I was about to explore the world of the SAHM. Through each of these milestones Mom and Pop were there to hold our hands, guide our way, and remain patient. I can honestly say they helped me learn how to be a good mom and wife.

I've never met a lady that is so optimistic, understanding, calm and sincere. And Pop, well Pop is Pop. He has a big burly exterior with a mushy inside. But nobody tell him that I let out his secret! When Carter stuck her hand in hot coffee they are the ones I turned to for help. When Marc needed to be driven to the ER Pop took over. The days when Gabe was fussy and cranky Momma cuddled with him and made him better. When we found out about TBD they were the first to know and congratulate us. There might have been a "seriously" thrown in there as well! Basically, the were the center, we were the fray. When we didn't know what the hell was going on or how to react they sat back, kept their mouths shut, and offered advice when asked. They never overstepped their boundaries, never pushed, but never held back either. They are truly parents in every sense of the word.

I'm lucky and blessed to not only have amazing parent in laws, but all of Marc's siblings and their spouses have been amazing during our transition. Phone calls, emails, drop ins, babysitting, you name it, they did it. Takes a village people, and my village consists of Patrouchs! They are an incredible bunch.

And yes, this village will remain, but it will be different. I won't get to hear Carter say, "Morning, Pop" when we walk out to the back porch. Gabe won't get that beaming look on his face every time Momma walks in while I am feeding him. And I won't get to bitch and complain to two people that give good feedback. And Marc won't get to remain the baby and have his mom take care of him! (I guess I'll be required to do that now!) I shall miss this place and all the craziness that has occurred.

Momma and Poppa have given us more than a place to stay, they have given us beautiful memories, life lessons, hugs when we needed it and tough love when called for. When my kids turn out to be great adults I know that part of it will be because of this experience.

And because I am now crying and need to laugh, listen to this song! It will ALWAYS make me think of Momma and Poppa!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Momumentary – Chastity Rodriguez-Hise aka A Mom That’s Probably Cooler Than You

In case you didn’t know, I’m a sorority girl. I am sure this surprises some and doesn’t faze others. What I find amazing about my particular sorority is that you can be connected to someone you didn’t actually attend school with, but through others sisters you have been introduced and become quasi close with. Well Lisa Alcorn introduced me to Chas and then facebook reconnected us. I love this lady. She is a put together career woman that adores being a mom but also admits to tough times and hard days. She’s a cool chick (who probably hates that I just called her chick) that rocks tattoos, painted hair and a “be who you are” attitude. I’ve asked her for hair advice as well as parenting advice, I mean, how cool is that! She is a modern day renaissance woman.

I introduce to you, the one, the only, the fabulous, Chas!

1. Please give a quick bio about yourself (your name, husband’s name, kids’ names and your job, ages welcome but not necessary!).

Chastity Rodriguez-Hise, married to Russell Hise. 3 1/2 yr old Stella and almost 2 yr old Roy. I am a full time hair stylist and part time birth doula, Russell is an appliance repair technician.

2. What is your favorite part about being a momma?

Watching them learn new things always amazes me

3. What is your least favorite?

Having to surrender my control freak nature

4. What is a guilty pleasure of yours?

Fantasy novels about fairies, vampires, werewolves

5. Best advice ever given to you?

Every child teaches you something- be prepared to figure out what it is

6. What advice do you give to new moms?

ALWAYS trust your instinct

7. Favorite memories of your kids?

For both kids, it has to be them singing and dancing :)

8. Favorite memories of you and your husband?

The intimacy we shared during the birth of both kids, and how sleazy he was when we first met (TeamPatrouch note – I love the addition of the sleazy part! Hilarious!)

9. What hopes/dreams do you have for your kids?

Success at whatever they desire to do

10. If you had a day all to yourself, what would you do?

Mani/pedi, massage, acupuncture, bookstore

11. How did you pick your kids’ names?

Stella, a tribute to my fav aunt who passed away

James Roy, combo of grandfather and Russell's dad

12. What activities do you love to do with your family?

Dancing, singing, swimming, museums

13. If you could go back and tell your pre-mom self something, what would it be?

RELAX

14. Which celebrity family do you want to be friends with?

Tori and Dean!!

15. What do you admire about your husband's parenting skills?

His never-ending patience and energy

16. Which mom(s) has had a big influence on you?

My own mom is my ultimate role model

17. What is your favorite part of being a doula?

Seeing a woman in control of her birth, surprising herself with her strength and then seeing her hold that baby for the first time

18. What’s the biggest misconception about doulas?

That we take over the birth experience and take away the dad's/partner's role

19. How many tattoos do you have? What inspired them?

14. Each of them was inspired by a different milestone in my life, ranging from the birth of each of my children, the death of my grandfather, recovering from a divorce to symbolic tattoo's that are for important things to me like literature and powerful women to the force of mother nature

20. Quick, think of a song lyric, what is it?

I don't mind if you don't mind, cause I don't shine if you don't shine (the killers, “read my mind")


And here is Mrs. America with her Prince Charming!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Two Months

I have two months until our lives are flipped upside down once again. What's truly amazing about such a shift is that one day, out of nowhere, you get flipped back upright. There's no warning, no signs, you just look around and BAM! you're "normal" again. You have your routines, you have the way you do things, life is just life once again. And you can't imagine a day without the people surrounding you.

No one can prepare you for the birth of a child. Not your first one, not your second, and definitely not your third. With each new little bundle comes a whole lotta change. Today I think, "Gosh, one was so easy! How did I ever think it was hard?" Or, "Newborns are simple, why didn't I soak it up more?" And I'm sure the thoughts of two being easy will creep in to my brain often. I actually try to tell myself this when the going gets tough and I think I can't handle it. I say, "Emily, wait until there is a newborn and two toddlers and you really are losing your mind!"

I can't put in to words how excited/anxious/nervous I am about meeting TBD. Will it be a Harper? Will it be a Zac? Will s/he follow in the footsteps of Carter and Gabe and look just like their daddy? Will I finally get my true ginger? Will everything be ok? Will we be ok if it's not? How will I be as a mom of three? Can I juggle it all?

I don't have the answers now, not even close, and that's what makes the wait so tough. You just want to find out. You just want the shift to happen and know what you are up against. How big is the monster in the closet? Even with all the struggles of parenting and the sleepless nights, the arguments, the yelling, the "I don't know what the f *&k I'm doing" moments, you still find the quintessential feeling of unconditional love. You just LOVE this little being and they just LOVE you. It's quite amazing really. Someone you've never met just melts you. They get in to your soul and take over. And what's even more amazing is that with each child the love grows, your soul gets bigger, your heart gets bigger, just like that silly ol' Grinch.

It's going to be a busy two months. We have to start packing, we have to say goodbye to two amazing people that have opened their home to us, and we have to move in to a new house. Our first family house that we have chosen together. We get to make memories there. We get to bring a baby home to it, Carter gets to pick out her room and the decorations that go in it. Gabe has a new set of stairs to master and Marc and I have a new place to sit and solve the great puzzle of the world together. We will have family gatherings, we will have dancing in the family room, movies on the couch, fights in the kitchen, yelling in the back yard, and kids running in and out of the house.

The shift is coming.

Friday, July 1, 2011

What is a golfer's favorite sandwich?

Club.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Totally random post on the first Friday of July. HAPPY FRIDULY!

There have been so many highs this past year with so many lows. And a lot of "Wow, that was kind of a special moment, I hope I remember it." Life is funny. There are so many "mundane" things that happen, that truly are special, but get lumped in with the big stuff and forgotten.

Example:
The other night CJ and I were laying on the couch. She put her leg up on me and said, "rub mommy?" I could have DIED! She must have seen me do that to Marc enough to try it out herself. It was cute, sweet, and melted me. But I am sure years from now when she and I are battling I'll forget that one sweet moment.

Or when Gabe points up to the yard to see the deer that is most likely not there and says "ooohhhh" with great excitement. I'll forget that, but for now it's pure joy.

Yesterday was the closing on our house in Charlottesville. The day started off ok, nothing great, nothing horrible, just normal. Until we got word there wasn't enough money for closing. Long story short closing went through but now there is a lingering question of who is responsible for paying this money. Ey yi yi. I'm talking MONEY too, like we will seriously have to pull some resources together if we have to pay.

Yuck.

All day was just a mess of emotions - for me, Marc and the children. Goodness were they in rare form, both of them. Not to mention I am one to totally over react emotionally, Marc is one to totally over react stressfully (that doesn't really seem like a word, but I'll go with it). Basically I cry and say things like "I'll have to go back to work, and how are we gonna feed our baby, and we need somewhere for the new baby to sleep...waaaah waaaah wah." Marc hunkers down to business and pulls emails and documents together and writes up professional sounding rebuttals and can't think about anything else but building a case as to why we shouldn't have to pay. Luckily we both have parents that listen to our rants and help calm us. Thank the Lord.

So the day went on and emotions, like tides, went in and out. But last night two things snapped me back to reality. A family member is dealing with an in-law's health issues that are very serious and a sorority sister has been raising money for treatments for her son with special needs. (And I am VERY excited to say they raised more than enough to cover his treatments!!!) Both of which are DRASTICALLY more important than our money situation. Granted this money thing is quite a big deal, Marc, Carter, Gabriel, TBD, and me are ok...we can always always always find a way to get the money. If we have to get rid of a car, fine. Pick up a PT job, fine. If this means no cable in the new house, so be it. We will make it work. We live with extra luxuries that are not necessary. And sometimes, cutting back isn't a bad thing.

Today I am trying to "make this day, better than the last". I have a baby appointment this afternoon and I will get to hear that sweet beat of his/her heart. If that doesn't put your mind in the right mode I'm not sure what could. I have one month to go before moving in to our new house and two months before I meet my new son or daughter. Bliss.

Plus, for right now, both kids are napping. A bit scary it's so early in the day, but I'll take it. Better than them whining, right?!

To sum up how I feel please watch this:
http://youtu.be/zlnhhYczPMA (Including this link incase the video doesn't work!)