Friday, May 31, 2013

Our Pediatrician Is Leaving On A Jet Plane

Yesterday I said good bye to our pediatrician.  It took everything in me to not cry.  EVERYTHING!

I took Carter for her 4 year old check up and knew it would be the last one with Dr. E.  I have to give him credit though, they are moving because his wife got a new job in San Fran. Way to support your lady, sir.

You see, the pediatrician we had in Charlottesville was amazing. So amazing! The whole practice was great, but I kind of think we got the best doctor.  She was so good with us first time parents and the kids responded well to her.  That's huge! And it's huge to be on the same page as your pediatrician. We had that with Dr. W.  When we thought about moving I am not lying when I say we almost didn't because I didn't want to leave her.  But low and behold, we found a practice that I really liked in Roanoke.

That was until we started waiting longer and longer at each appointment. I even had to speak up at one point because I was so frustrated.  So when I got a call saying the doc couldn't make the next appointment but would it be ok to see Dr. E, I said ok.

I fell in love.  He was/is so awesome.  His ideology is very much in line with mine.  He listens, gives respectful answers but no bullshit. Straight and to the point.  My kind of dude.

So when I brought up some concerns I had with Gabe, he took me very seriously and helped me out.  He was proof that a good pediatrician listens to you, doesn't blow you off or dismiss you.  LISTENS!  I truly, 100% believe he changed our lives. For the better.  We all would not be doing as well as we are now without him.  And I told him that yesterday. And when he hugged me, I almost lost it.

He recommended another doctor in the practice and he thinks we will get along really well.  So I am excited to meet her.  I am worried though, we have had great luck with our pediatricians, will luck strike again?! I am a firm believer that if you are not happy with your doctor (whichever speciality) you must change and get a new one.  No reason to put up with someone you don't like, especially when you are paying.  Double especially when you are paying them to TAKE CARE OF YOU!

Dr. E, I know there is no way you are reading this, but THANK YOU! I am going to miss you so much.  Your new patients are so very lucky!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

The End of the School Year

I wrote about CJ's first day of school here - Carty Jeanie and Preschool

I wrote about GB's first day of school here - September - Gabe's Month

Here I am today writing about their last day of preschool.

I am not lying, even a little, when I say (write) that it feels as if I just wrote those.  Don't get me wrong, some days it felt as though I'd never make it to the next.  The hours would drag on and on, with no end in sight.  But to look back, man, how time flies.

My little angels are officially growing up. They have entered the seasons of "summer vacations".  How did we get here?  How did they get old?  How did I stay so young and fresh, with no wrinkles or gray hair?  Oh wait.

To look back at the pictures, it's amazing.  Harper was just a little itty bitty baby.  Now she is a wild woman.

Gabriel, so young, not a clue what was waiting for him.

And Carter, so eager, so ready.

They've learned so much, they've matured (as much as toddlers mature at these ages), they were AWAY FROM ME!  And I've learned.  I've learned that letting go is hard, but I can do it.  That others can, and will, love my babies as much as I do and take care of them.  That some crazy shit will happen once you release your kids to the world, but some of that crazy is really exciting.  I learned what they are like when I'm not carefully watching over them while trying to not hover.  What they are like in the company of others. And what I learned is that they are pretty awesome kids.  Amazing little beings.

I'm not really letting myself "go there", that emotional place of dealing with this.  My mom asked me this morning how I was doing, I didn't really have an answer.  There's lots swirling in my head...sad to think that this year has flown by, that Carter was 3 when we started the year and now she is 4 and Gabe is close to turning 3.  That each day, all day, I'll have three kids to watch after.  That I won't HAVE to load and unload 1-3 kids, four times a day.  My arm muscles might lose some of their toning!  It'll be the first summer I'm not pregnant or with a baby, the first summer with toddlers and kids that can DO stuff! I can take them places, we can be adventurous, visit family, easily play outside....the possibilities seem endless to me now.  As my momma always said to us, "The world is your oyster, go find your pearl."

Here are some pics of this momentous day.

On the way to pick the kids up from school, "Turn! Turn! Turn!" came on the radio.  Pretty great song!

Friday, May 17, 2013

UGH! Crying, tantrums, and bad moods. And that was just me!

A few weeks ago my biffle told me about this article - 10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling

At first I had to laugh, how can any parent NOT yell?

Then I really thought about it....I could probably stand to stop at least some of the yelling.  No need to lose my voice and strain my neck muscles.

So for about three weeks I did alright.  I would stay calm, I'd hug tight instead of yell, I would send crying kids to their rooms instead of fussing with them.  I tried really hard.

And then this week happened.

Wednesday was a shit day.  Just shit.  My kids were out of their mind awful.  I tried throughout their shenanigans to stay calm.  No matter how hard I tried to breathe through it, ignore it, not get frustrated, they got louder.  More obnoxious.  I tried to get in the right frame of mind, I just couldn't.

Luckily for me, not for her, my bff was also having a rough day. So what else do you do but text each other with complaints?!  It's actually really comforting and nice to have someone to commiserate with.  The waves of pain kept coming, so by 5:30 I was sitting on the front porch waiting for my husband to get home.  I could hear the kids at the door, behind me, crying for me.  I ignored them.

Husband arrived home, I left.  I got gas, I went grocery shopping, I looked at nail polish.  I just needed time away.  Time just to be.

It was nice.

Is that wrong of me to say?  I guess it's better I was out of the house and NOT yelling anymore!

I arrived home to a calm house.  Amazing how kids can be so good for their dad not for you!  I still wasn't quite ready to be "mom" yet, so I ate my Taco Bell in peace.  That was one of the best mexican pizzas I've ever eaten.

Anyhoo, that night it hit me just how terrible I was.  Why did I yell so much? Why couldn't I be more mature and get my act together?  Why did I let the inmates win?  The guilt started to wash over me.  But what was I to do?  The day was over.  So the next morning I vowed to have a good day.

It started a little rough, but it got better.  A lot better!

My kids went from the spawns of Lucifer one day to the singing cherubs of Heaven the next.  I mean they were SO good I actually let them go to a local candy store and pick out whatever they wanted.

Just amazing how the days can be so dramatically roller coaster like.  You just never know what the next hill or turn will bring you.

I am glad that for this moment the roller coaster ride is up hill and enjoyable!

And to protect privacy I won't say a name, but I am EXTREMELY grateful that a person I love dearly is ok after an operation.  Last night I saw this and agreed:

All-in-all the week was good and ended great.  Sometimes you have to have those bad days.  And as a mom I must move on and not look back, not judge myself too harshly.  All I can do is learn from it.

How do you handle bad days?  And the mommy guilt associated with it?

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Wonderful World

I laid in bed this morning reading my fb and twitter timelines and I cried.  I cried at every single "Happy Mother's Day" post.

And I cried because for one day, all these kick-ass moms I know get to be called out for it.  They get the recognition they deserve.  And what's really amazing about being a mom, is that you start to understand your mom.

You understand why she would cry when you would cry, why she would yell the loudest at your recitals and games.  Why she would squeeze her mouth tight and not say what she was really thinking about that "friend" that hurt you.

The kisses on your boo boos when you got hurt, the hugs when you needed them, the carrying of you from the car to your bed because you fell asleep.  Searching the house for your favorite toy, driving back to grandma's house because you left a shoe, cutting your sandwiches just right so you'd eat it.  Signing school forms, sending back library books, attending class parties, chaperoning field trips, doing hair and make up for dances, driving you to and fro...

The list goes on and on.  Moms make the world go round, you see.  They are the soft spots you need when landing.  You never stop needing your mom. Ever.  Two weeks ago I called my mom and said she needed to watch my kids for me so I could rest my broken toe.  She didn't hesitate before saying "Wahoo!"  (If you know Mary Kay, you know that she really does use this word, a lot! It's cute!)  Last week I called her for a recipe (my grandma's recipe) and she told me where it was in MY house!  See, if mom doesn't know where it is, it's truly lost!  Just about every day my mom answers my phone call and lets me blabber about something.  She's amazing.

Me and my momma at Busch Gardens...I picked this pic because dayum my arm look good!

Moms are the rock stars of the real world.  We are tough, we are strong, we are fighters.  Every move we make is based on our family.  We rarely think of what is best for us...because honestly the happiness of our family IS what's best for us.  I will gladly let Harper take my food from me (she does this ALL the time) and not eat because of it, I will gladly lay next to Gabe every night to help him fall asleep, and I will gladly accept every single drawing Carter makes me.  Why?  Because each of them look so happy when these things happen.  Their faces light up and their eyes sparkle.  How could I ever resist that?!  (Yes, Harper finds such delight in taking my food. She's somewhat evil.)

Yesterday each of them brought me flowers and their faces were everything.  They each looked as though they won a major award.  Their joy made me smile.  They could have picked a bouquet of grass and I still would have loved it because of those faces!!!  (I'm sure Marc would have loved to know that YESTERDAY!)

I just had to take a major time out to accept cards and presents from the kids.  Gah they are cute!


Not only did I have a kick ass mom growing up, I landed a kick ass mother-in-law.  This woman has listened to more tears, more complaints, more stories than she probably ever planned.  And she is sort of my "on-call" babysitter. I was just telling my husband yesterday that I'm not sure I could survive this life without her; that she is always willing to help and has never made me feel guilty for how often I ask for help.  I could honestly write a book about how much this woman means to me.  She takes care of me and took me in as her own, I am forever grateful.

I had a HARD time finding a pic of just me and my MIL. So here she is holding my first born, just days old!

I am VERY lucky that my mom had me and that my MIL had my husband.  Because of them...I got my birds!  I got to join the sorority of the motherhood!

 My first born, the one that made me a mom!

 My son, whom loves me so much!

 My third.  The one that makes me laugh...even when she gives me Blue Steel.

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more than I'll never know,
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

No one does it better than Louis!